Insane Ramblings

Discovered on Friday that my mother had died on Thursday 11th May, aged just 65 years old. Seemed she suffered from pneumonia and heart failure.

Really taken back by this as she seemed alright when I saw her last. Just sorted out her television which had messed up again. But I sorted it as she is blind and bedbound so is her only entertainment...

It's hard to think what to say about her which will do her any justice. Got all these memories which I could share but can't put into words.

She wasn't a perfect mother but did the best she knew how. Both my sister and myself were loved deeply and we were happy - which is the most important. We weren't very well off but our parents did take us on holiday to Blackpool through the holidays - when they could afford it.

She had been in and out of hospital since my sister and myself were kids. I believe it was for angina at the time. Over time, her arthritis got so bad that she couldn't walk anymore and needed a wheelchair.

She has always been blind but never let her disability get her down, and went to college to learn new skills and helped raise money for charity.

Overtime though, she became diabetic and bedbound. She continued to go in and out of hospital, suffering from heart attacks and other problems, but she stayed jolly and seemed happy.

But last week, just before we were going to visit, we found out she had died... we wasn't told she had gone into hospital. And when she died, was told over 24 hours later. Came as a massive blow!

If it wasn't for my beautiful 15 year old niece I'd be completely sane, living a dull life, and probably still living with my parents. But no, she came into my life and before I knew it my life changed completely...

Her father did a runner while my sister was just three months pregnant. So she moved back into the family home as we felt it was in her best interest. At the time she was deeply depressed and I was worried she'd lose the baby, so I promised to move in with her to help with the baby until she could get back on her feet. And once the baby was born I kept my promise!

It was tough going, as my sister lived in a small flat, and this wasn't helped by the debts her boyfriend had left her with, but we managed. By the time my niece was 11 months old, we moved to a three bedroomed maisonette so we could have more space. Our money situation didn't improve but the area was better and we'd made a new friend with the lady who lived down stairs. She had a new born son called Mark and a 6 year old daugther called Alicia. So this gave my niece some playmates...

My personality has begun to change, as having a baby around you need to walk slower, entertain them, and put them before yourself. And even though, as they grow, you can speed up, you still play silly games, and make silly sounds to entertain them. One of her favorite games when she was younger was the 'Mommy Monster'. Just a simple chasing game outside where her mother makes funny noises and chased her around. Her only safe place being the grass. My games, at the time, was more low key as I was more reserved and was worried about making a fool of myself in public. But through interaction with my niece, I began to open up more, and started coming up with weird games and jokes. This opened up and new world for me, and I found I loved being a bit goofy and silly at times. So this started becoming a part of my changing personality.

My niece began growing up and, like most kids, had her ups and downs. She did have some massive downs when a family incident happened when she was 6, then some years later when she was hit by a car, and then again when she was in a car accident while travelling with a friend. But she got through them all and I think it made her a stronger person. I'd rather they didn't happen but, unfortunately, you can't turn back the clock...

This year she has begun to have lots of teenage problems. Friends slagging each other off, betrayal, fallouts, and threats. This seems a much harder period through her childhood and one that might see her without friends (as she seems to be the one they are turning on).

I was shocked to discover someone had created a hate page, using images from my business site, against my niece. I got it removed by the provider but was told that I should have contacted the police instead... so something to remember if anything like that happens again!

Not a nice way to end this blog but I'll detail be funnier times in my nieces life later on - past stuff and those she will do now and in the the future.